Lately, aside from all the things I’ve been writing about on my World Race Blog, I have also been thinking a lot about Unconditional Love and what it looks like. I constantly come back to the subject of love in my writing because it’s something I desire more than anything; from God, but also – I won’t lie – from other people.
Between finding myself in a state of transition, only to be preparing for another really soon, and then to be completely changed, once again, in July, and then fully in transit come September (because it’s happening, I refuse to think that it won’t now)… I’ve also found a lot of love within all of the transition, too. And that’s pretty cool.
Senior Year is kind of a year all about Transition in General, but Spring Semester has certainly been more so than semesters prior. Between fundraising and trying (yes, actually trying while simultaneously procrastinating), I also found myself becoming torn between a community I was in and a community I will soon be in come July. I’m sure the same problem will arise when I move in June, too. It’s a constant battle between wanting to get to know people I’ll be giving my all to – people who will literally see me at my best and at my absolute worst (and still love me through it) – and people who will be there always, even when I return.
But, I must say, despite the pull in my individual heart, the group I will be spending my next year of life with has been really awesome at showing me what Unconditional Love from God really looks like… See, I’ve always believed that we can’t experience God without the action of others being courageous in their Acts of Love, if that makes any sense at all. I’m relational, so I feel as if I see God’s love in action through other people – whether it’s being fully present with me when we talk or doing something to show me that they care without expecting anything in return.
See, I feel as if I’ve only ever known a love that was conditional, which would probably explain why it’s so hard for me to accept unconditional love without being expected to do anything in return. It is physically hard for me to accept any form of love because I always feel as if I owe someone who is giving me anything something in return; whether that be a gift, money, or even a compliment… Anything, really… When it comes to giving love or encouragement for me though? All day every day, nothing expected in return – maybe just a free hug, because it’s free.
God has shown me how much His love is unconditional in the past four months. It started in February when a squad mate called me and said “I want to give you some money in your fundraising account and a friend of mine is going to match some money for you, too.” It spilled over into March when I was given a gift from a squad mate as a surprise early birthday gift. It then spilled over into April when another squad mate wanted to give me some of her money even though she is just as freaked out about fundraising as I am… Then, this month, a squad mate willingly bought me my plane tickets to Georgia for Training Camp. Each act of love listed here is so huge to me and these people probably won’t even know the gravity of how much their willingness to daringly, courageously, unconditionally love a girl in New England that they have never even met in person before – how much that really, truly honestly means to me.
That’s Daring. That’s Courageous. That’s Unconditional. That’s what Love is. It is Action and It Expects Nothing in Return.
And it is so freaking hard for me to accept that because I know I don’t deserve to wear something on my wrist that holds such unique meaning. I don’t deserve a free ride to Training Camp. I don’t deserve money. The truth is that I don’t deserve any of it, but because of God’s Unconditional Love for me, He gives it away freely.
I am so excited to go deeper. I am excited to love furiously and courageously, even when it gets difficult or hard. And I am so excited to do life with a fraction (and more) of the people who have begun to teach me what it means to be Unconditionally Loved by the Father.
All my Love,